St. Patrick's day

Saint's preserve us. Everyone here (even the Samoan guy who works in the motor pool) thinks he's Irish. Since its highly doubtful I'll be able to get Pop out here to preserve my sanity with some Irish jokes, I've been resourceful and found some:

How do you know if a fish is Irish?
It has drowned.

How do you get an Irishman to burn his ear?
Ring him up while he is ironing.

How do you confuse an Irishman?
Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner.

Two Drunk Irishmen are walking down a set of railway tracks. First Irishman: "Bloody hell, I've never seen so many stairs."
Second Irishman: "Sod that mate, it's this low railing that's killing me."

Jon, an Irishman, upon finishing his business in the toilet, was pulling up his pants when a 50 pence piece slipped from his pocket, bounced once on the lid, and fell into the hole. Peering into the hole, Jon muttered to himself, "For 50p, No." Upon which, he withdrew another 50 pence piece from his pocket, let it fall into the hole to join the first, and remarked as he descended, "But for a pound..."

Did you hear about the Irish ram-raider?
He ran out of petrol chasing a mobile shop.

How do you keep an Irishman busy?
Write "Please Turn Over" on both sides of a piece of paper.

Paddy and Murphy are walking through a forest, and they see a sign saying, "TREE FELLERS WANTED"
Paddy looks at Murphy and says, "What a shame there's only two of us."

Paddy was looking for work, and his mate told him that they needed someone up at the blacksmiths. Paddy went to see the bloke, and said, "My mate tells me your looking for someone to work here."
"Yes, that's right." said the Blacksmith, "Can you shoe horses?"
"I'm not sure," said Paddy, "but I once told a donkey to piss off."

Paddy and Murphy were walking through a field and Paddy said "Can you see that forest over there? Murphy replied "No, those trees are in the way."

There, I feel better.

Take care of yourselves and each other.

Myron